2=1

The film starts with an image of me taking the hoover tube from the hoover. The sound of the hoover is loud, not pleasant. Why am I taking the tubing?

Next I am rummaging in a draw and find some tape. Why the tape?

Its revealed that I am now taping the tube to the car exhausted.

This is the start of a nightmare.

I am in the car. The car fills with carbon monoxide.

I had already been playing with simple images when I was sat in the car. The way the light simply bounced of the steering wheel from street lights on a rainy night. I always loved images taken through the car window and how the raindrops on the glass distort the outside creating something quite magical looking.

I also managed to take some footage from outside the car using my selfie stick and I was happy with the imagery.

It had a rainy night time feel. It set a mood. So from this experimental footage and the fact I was in a car idea came to show that I was trying to escape this dark dream.

I had heard a few years ago that a girl I knew from school had committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning and I felt the imagery would be powerful.  I decided to introduce the handcuffs into this dark scene. Firstly it would show that I was trapped in this dream and also it would mean that once I started with the carbon poisoning there would be little chance of turning back.

After I am seen sitting in the car and the carbon monoxide fills it. It cuts to morning. Night has gone The sun is up. I can be seen in the car. Now I have introduced a still. I made it a greyish tone. I look very still and very dead.

When I researched carbon monoxide it made me feel very sad that people could want to do this and actually do it. After this dark image is revealed suddenly it flashes to a very light, bright scene, I am in bed awakened from this dark dream. I am happy to be in my cosy bed with hundreds of cuddly toys. I wake up. It made me think of times in my life when something was stressing me. That first few seconds when you think everything is just fine. Then I realise my hands are still cuffed. I have woken from the night dream that I felt trapped in trying to kill myself out of it to find I am still trapped in the day dream. The handcuffs once again portraying that trapped feeling.

When I say trapped in the “day dream”. I am now referring to this as the “thought” world we live in. we live in a real life that is happening. But everything is our own made up story, a fiction that is our own perspective regardless if it is true or not. Often I have felt like a prisoner in my own thoughts in my life. Knowing some not to be true, yet still tormented myself. So in the waking state I was imprisoned in this day dreaming.

On awaking in the dream and  handcuffed I find I have a dice in my hand. I throw the dice over and over revealing the number two again and again. This represents the thoughts we have. A feeling of being separated from what’s happening and not being able to control it. Trying to make choices and still not being able to fix what’s going on.

Eventually a one is thrown on the dice. This representing a beingness. A kind of acceptance comes that life will always feel like a kind of prison of though. That I exist as these thought and the feeling of controlling that falls away.

In the last scene the feeling of movement as I film from the car a journey. The sun shines a feeling of melancholy and upliftment.

I am at the beach feeling good. Still in the day-dream as always. Still handcuffed. But this time to some bubble mixture. I blow bubbles happily on the beach. The bubbles are now my thoughts It’s how I exist. Thoughts arise one at a time and leave nearly as soon as they came.

There is a freedom knowing that I am always in this construct of though as thought..

These are things I want to express in this film.

There are scenes with a drinking glass. They could represent emptiness or a half full or a half empty glass. Sea glass being tossed into the water. Not so sure why. The sea glass was there and it sounded nice plopping into the water. Trying to fill ones self maybe.

Now that I have completed the film for hand in. Looking at the film there things I would like to change.  The first part of the film I have taken the viewer step by step through the carbon monoxide scene. In the middle section I have made the sequence more dream like. The end could be real or dream. I may like to re-edit or change the first section so that it is also dream like. Giving it the same surreal symbolic gestures of the middle piece.

The music I found on the internet by an artist called My Own Cubic Stone. I wanted something that had a melancholy sound through the film. The car scene music was more eerie to enhance the mood. The middle section had a slightly perplexed sound but a brighter place than the first scene. The ending music is more energetic but still a melancholy feel.

Some of real sounds may be a bit abrupt and choppy.

Over all I enjoyed the experience of making a film and would definitely use film making again in my practice. Using what I have learned from my successes and failures in this first attempt at expressing myself though film